Two thoughts?

So I listen to a lot of radio and am a cable news junkie. So I ask myself; is it okay to have two thoughts or (really) opinions at the same time? I am happy OBL is dead, but don't want to celebrate this fact. I don't like death.

I am proud of the strong men who performed this mission. Brilliant!

I want all men to be better. Let's just be better. And honest.

Jack

Once in a lifetime friendship. There are no words I can write that explain why I love these girls.

Trees

Trees sustain life. I just imagine, while I am sitting here in a cabin in Northern California, how my grandpa felt, what was he dreaming about? Was he dreading dealing with the trees? Was he thinking about a family? He made his living as did my dad on the the sustainability of trees. Trees mean money. Trees mean their children will have water, warmth, power and an education. Education?

Although my sister and I never finished University, we certainly have an education. The only regret I'll admit having is never getting a degree. Why am I writing about this? I am trying to connect the trees with the money. . . and then the education. . . and how much I love that so many of my family members have relied on the forest.

Hard work and a work ethic. Because my dad and grandpa worked so hard, Kelli and I have a great education and are far better people because of it. Their legacy have made us hard workers in whatever we do, whether that is raising four fantastic human beings or managing many people. I am convinced that hard work, kindness and respect for people brings happiness.

It's because of the trees. I love the trees.

Anna Mae Talburt Piccolotti

It's hard not to sound cliche' when I write or speak about my family, but I must say I really do love them. Our lives are intertwined in a strange and poignant way. We all share the same grandparents, great grand parents, great uncles and aunts. We all share the same line as the two that came over on a boat from a far away land over 100 years ago, trying to create a better life. Don't we all strive to create a better life?

It's been a week since I've seen my grandma and some of my family. These quick occasions sustain me.

It's good to reflect. Here's Joe and Lisa, cousins by my Uncle Mike.

Anna Mae Piccolotti - Going Down Together

I recently saw my Grandmother and those that know me well know how much she means to me. As our Secretary of State says, “It takes a Village.” Being 38 years old I understand this completely. I understand that she loved me unconditionally. The concept of unconditional love is foreign to me, especially in relation to my grandma. Although I was an incredible grandson when I was a kid I was awful as a young adult in my twenties. How do I reconcile this? How do I clear my mind when SHE doesn’t have much of a mind or memory anymore? How do I let her know I apologize for being so ungrateful and selfish?

This is how I’ll try. . .

The question I pose to myself is: Did I disappoint my Grandma?***

1. Is it true? Yes.
2. Can you absolutely know it’s true? No.
3. How do you react; what happens when you believe that thought? I drive myself crazy with thoughts that she was mad at me, that she disapproved of my sexuality so much that she thought I was going to hell or even worse was embarrassed by me.
4. Who would you be without the thought? I would be a guilt free adult that knows for sure I loved her and appreciate all she did for me and not let other people’s stories and memories get in the way. I would know her by how I remember her. I would be at peace. I would know that even during that decade I was a good person or at least a good family member.

I can now rest and not occupy my mind with thoughts of quilt. I know the truth about how I feel about my grandma and know she would appreciate this. It was very sad to see her and I never cried so much, I really hope my nephews don’t think I am off my rocker as they saw me as a hot mess. We all were really. To see how the boys responded to her made my heart happy. I think they get it.

“Going Down Together” This phrase or variations of the phrase was spoken in a constant loop by Anna (we call her Anna now as she doesn't understand the concept that she is a Grandma) during every visit with her. What gives me peace is it seemed to be a happy, peaceful quote, although I have to admit a bit creepy. She loved and still loves to sing, as I do. Kelli and I sang “Jesus Loves Me” with her and she remembered the words. She also still loves Dean Martin, which I know will make my Cousin Joe happy.

God bless you Grandma. I really do love you and always have. Please forgive me.

***These questions were borrowed from Byron Katie, which I don’t know much about. She was a guest on Rosie O Radio this morning and inspired me to work on my regrets and false dreams. I’ll go into this and my thoughts about The Work later. One must use what works at the appropriate time when dealing with depression/anxiety.

Morals?

My definition of being moral: cherishing your best friends' baby and the sister and countless friends that take care of those kids. Loving your family more than anything. Honoring mom, dad, grandma, grandpas, aunts and uncles and the village. Twenty years of loving the best people God could bring to your life. . . um, to change you for the better. Caring for a home, four beautiful kitties and one amazing man who shares the home with you. Working hard and sharing the reap of the harvest. Taking time to enjoy the view. Respecting the human everyday. Having manners and being kind.

Below is a picture of a goat. I know this doesn't have anything to do with the topic, but I had to share a picture.

Love to, as my Texan friends would say, ya'll.

38

I must say I hate getting older. Physically getting older really sucks more than I thought it ever would. It's been awhile since I've blogged, so I thought this would be the most appropriate time to write as I reflect on my life.

With every birthday I always reminisce about Family, like we all do I am sure. One thing I have always loved about my life is my fantastic and fabulous relationship with all my family. Whichever side, whether it's the Sweeney's or Piccolotti's, I fit in and totally understand the difference between nurture and nature and how it all relates.

Sweeney nurturing: Me with Aunt Linda and Cousin Amanda. They are from my dad's side, which I am not biologically attached to, but we are bonded by the Sweeney name/family. I was raised by Sam Sweeney and am his son by adoption, but you wouldn't know it. I define nurture as traits inherited by those around you during childhood. Who knew Sweeney would suit me so well. Here's me Linda and Amanda at dinner in Dallas, TX.

Fun and free spirited.

Naturally a Piccolotti: My mother is a Piccolotti and I had this last name for the first two years of my life. I mentioned nature earlier and know now more than ever that genetics also have so much to do with our character. Here's a picture of me and my Cousin Joey.

When I am around Joe I always think of my Grandpa Lou. I always wondered why??? I think it's because in some strange way he reminds me of Grandpa. There are traits in all of us that is linked to our family. I think about my aunts, uncles and grandparents and how much they really are like each other. . . like me.

Quiet and reflective.

Now I am thinking about my sister, Mom and Dad. The perfect combination of the nature and nurture. I thank them all for making me Sean Sweeney, a humble, grateful man.

What I know for sure: Appreciate the ones who have made you who you are. It really does take a village.