My Eulogy - Ann Piccolotti

At the Garden Valley Church of Christ - 1:00pm - October, 1st, 2011. . .

Wow, it’s been over 20 years since I stood up here. The last time I was in this building was with my Grandma and Cousin Lisa, right before Grandma moved to Jacksonville. She had a smile on her face the whole time! Good memories here. The family and I appreciate the kindness the church members have shared.
There is no question that my grandma loved her grandchildren. She treated us as if we were her own. As I’ve reflected this last month on my grandma’s life I realized there are many things she has passed onto us, most of which were her Morals and Ethics. All four of us have turned out to be good people, because of her. I know this for sure. We all were influenced by her work ethic, which all of us in the family inherited.
I see so many attributes in my cousins and sister that reflect back Grandma.
Lisa’s love of art and pictures and the nurturing she provides Lalie, comes from Grandma. Kelli’s love for her husband and four boys, she cleans a mean house and does laundry like no other. I lived with grandma for a year and she always washed all my clothes and pressed them. I still wish I could iron like her. Apparently Aunt Kathy inherited this as well. Joe’s industriousness and willingness to pitch in and help was surely passed down from Grandma. My love of pictures and magazines, no doubt was influenced by her. Whenever I clean house I channel her, I swear. She kept the tidiest house and had the perfect yard. She gave us so much of her time. For 18 years I spent every Sunday evening with her, and she homeschooled Joe for a year. She loved us! I had the chance to witness Grandma meeting all the Great Grandchildren last year, the next generation and you could see the joy in her eyes. She loved kids.
Oh and the food! I don’t need to tell you all; Grandma loved to cook and we all were more than willing to eat. From the peanut butter and honey sandwiches, French vanilla ice cream, the best chocolate chip cookies, chocolate cake, grilled cheese sandwiches with mayonnaise (only at Grandma’s). I still love chick peas, which she always had with her salads, along with homemade Thousand Island dressing, which I obviously still love. My love of pasta comes from her! Oh the spaghetti sauce she made from scratch was like no other (with a bay leaf simmering); I know Joe enjoys cooking sauce as well. Oh, and she always had a stick of gum, certs and coffee nips. I loved the road trips with her. I think we all loved them!
We all have fond memories of the big house on Jackson Street. For Kelli it was like a giant doll house. Grandma always gave us free reign of the house, whether it was sleepovers on the balcony, which Lisa loved, or the fun basement. Although Kelli thinks the basement was a bit scary (I remember it as the fun/cool place the aunt and uncle lived from time to time). Grandma never let me live there. She wanted me closer to her.
I have to take this time to mention my Grandpa, Lou Piccolotti and the love I had for him as well. I so wish I could have a conversation with him now as an older adult. Such a wise and smart man; like no other.
I know there were times I disappointed her, but she still loved me unconditionally. I could always return home and know she had a place for me. During these tough times and horrible news, we need more people like her in the world, without question.
Grandma, this is not good-bye, but until we meet again.

Two thoughts?

So I listen to a lot of radio and am a cable news junkie. So I ask myself; is it okay to have two thoughts or (really) opinions at the same time? I am happy OBL is dead, but don't want to celebrate this fact. I don't like death.

I am proud of the strong men who performed this mission. Brilliant!

I want all men to be better. Let's just be better. And honest.

Jack

Once in a lifetime friendship. There are no words I can write that explain why I love these girls.

Trees

Trees sustain life. I just imagine, while I am sitting here in a cabin in Northern California, how my grandpa felt, what was he dreaming about? Was he dreading dealing with the trees? Was he thinking about a family? He made his living as did my dad on the the sustainability of trees. Trees mean money. Trees mean their children will have water, warmth, power and an education. Education?

Although my sister and I never finished University, we certainly have an education. The only regret I'll admit having is never getting a degree. Why am I writing about this? I am trying to connect the trees with the money. . . and then the education. . . and how much I love that so many of my family members have relied on the forest.

Hard work and a work ethic. Because my dad and grandpa worked so hard, Kelli and I have a great education and are far better people because of it. Their legacy have made us hard workers in whatever we do, whether that is raising four fantastic human beings or managing many people. I am convinced that hard work, kindness and respect for people brings happiness.

It's because of the trees. I love the trees.

Anna Mae Talburt Piccolotti

It's hard not to sound cliche' when I write or speak about my family, but I must say I really do love them. Our lives are intertwined in a strange and poignant way. We all share the same grandparents, great grand parents, great uncles and aunts. We all share the same line as the two that came over on a boat from a far away land over 100 years ago, trying to create a better life. Don't we all strive to create a better life?

It's been a week since I've seen my grandma and some of my family. These quick occasions sustain me.

It's good to reflect. Here's Joe and Lisa, cousins by my Uncle Mike.

Anna Mae Piccolotti - Going Down Together

I recently saw my Grandmother and those that know me well know how much she means to me. As our Secretary of State says, “It takes a Village.” Being 38 years old I understand this completely. I understand that she loved me unconditionally. The concept of unconditional love is foreign to me, especially in relation to my grandma. Although I was an incredible grandson when I was a kid I was awful as a young adult in my twenties. How do I reconcile this? How do I clear my mind when SHE doesn’t have much of a mind or memory anymore? How do I let her know I apologize for being so ungrateful and selfish?

This is how I’ll try. . .

The question I pose to myself is: Did I disappoint my Grandma?***

1. Is it true? Yes.
2. Can you absolutely know it’s true? No.
3. How do you react; what happens when you believe that thought? I drive myself crazy with thoughts that she was mad at me, that she disapproved of my sexuality so much that she thought I was going to hell or even worse was embarrassed by me.
4. Who would you be without the thought? I would be a guilt free adult that knows for sure I loved her and appreciate all she did for me and not let other people’s stories and memories get in the way. I would know her by how I remember her. I would be at peace. I would know that even during that decade I was a good person or at least a good family member.

I can now rest and not occupy my mind with thoughts of quilt. I know the truth about how I feel about my grandma and know she would appreciate this. It was very sad to see her and I never cried so much, I really hope my nephews don’t think I am off my rocker as they saw me as a hot mess. We all were really. To see how the boys responded to her made my heart happy. I think they get it.

“Going Down Together” This phrase or variations of the phrase was spoken in a constant loop by Anna (we call her Anna now as she doesn't understand the concept that she is a Grandma) during every visit with her. What gives me peace is it seemed to be a happy, peaceful quote, although I have to admit a bit creepy. She loved and still loves to sing, as I do. Kelli and I sang “Jesus Loves Me” with her and she remembered the words. She also still loves Dean Martin, which I know will make my Cousin Joe happy.

God bless you Grandma. I really do love you and always have. Please forgive me.

***These questions were borrowed from Byron Katie, which I don’t know much about. She was a guest on Rosie O Radio this morning and inspired me to work on my regrets and false dreams. I’ll go into this and my thoughts about The Work later. One must use what works at the appropriate time when dealing with depression/anxiety.

Morals?

My definition of being moral: cherishing your best friends' baby and the sister and countless friends that take care of those kids. Loving your family more than anything. Honoring mom, dad, grandma, grandpas, aunts and uncles and the village. Twenty years of loving the best people God could bring to your life. . . um, to change you for the better. Caring for a home, four beautiful kitties and one amazing man who shares the home with you. Working hard and sharing the reap of the harvest. Taking time to enjoy the view. Respecting the human everyday. Having manners and being kind.

Below is a picture of a goat. I know this doesn't have anything to do with the topic, but I had to share a picture.

Love to, as my Texan friends would say, ya'll.